So we thought I was crazy before...

Oh it was nothing before. I get crazier and crazier as the days pass. Hooray for all those around me! Alpine ran away again on a night that Paul was late coming home from work. If I was him, I would be late intentionally. Every day! But boy does he hear about it when he gets home. The key is to be so late that I am already in bed and sleeping. That may save him some grief. By the time Paul gets home, I tell him I know how to solve the dog issue. Very calmly, very quietly I say, "I can fix this". Paul tentatively asks, "how?" While stirring the meat on the stove, I reply "I'll break his legs. The back ones. He can't jump that high with broken legs". Paul pleads, "please don't break his legs". Of course I won't break his legs, but boy am I tempted.

The next day, guess who ran away again? ALPINE!!! In less than two minutes flat, he has crossed the yard, jumped the fence and is no where in sight. My lunch break is ruined, because now I have to search for him. I finally find him, and as I get out of the car to grab his happy, tail wagging dumb ass my mom calls. I tell her she has just saved a dog's life. I throw him in the house and take my now stale PB&J to work to eat. When I get home I let out all of the dogs, but I follow Alpine. He runs straight to the fence (presumably to jump over it) and I flip out! I start running through the yard screaming, "I am sick of this. I am sick of you! I give you a warm house, love, kisses and treats, and what do you do in return? You run away!! I don't deserve this. We are through. I will never acknowledge you again!" On and on this went as I was chasing him around the yard. I now think my neighbors are convinced I am the crazy lady of the neighborhood.

Today, I got to be crazy some more. I have been having cramping on and off for the past couple of days. Because it has been two weeks since my last appointment, the "warm and fuzzy" feeling has reverted back to the "something must be wrong" feeling. To my mother, I apologize. I promised I would try and relax, but seriously. When have you ever known me to be relaxed? One spot in particular in my tummy has been hurting. Maybe baby is trying out rock climbing. I'm not sure. This is not extreme pain and not even as bad as time-of-the-month cramps. It's just something for me to freak out about. So I call my ever wonderful nurse, whom I would die without, and she is OUT OF TOWN!! I did not authorize this! How can she be gone when I NEED HER!! I discover there is a fill-in nurse. Hooray. She has no idea I called on Monday to inquire about the safety of eating moldy cheese and drinking algae water. She will not know I am a basket case. I very calmly tell her this is my first time going through all of this and explain my symptoms. She says it's just growing pains (which I figured) and to call back if the cramping is settling into a pattern, getting unbearable or if I start leaking anything abnormal. Fair enough. I can do that. I go back to my desk but realize I have forgotten my water in the kitchen. As I stand up, a good amount of liquid gushes out of a place I will not mention. What the hell was that? I clamp up and run to the bathroom and go pee. Did I just pee myself? Was that "abnormal" fluid? If it was pee, why didn't I know I had to pee BEFORE I peed myself?! I try calling the nurse again. No answer. I try calling my friend who just had a baby to see if she can calm me down. NO ANSWER!! I call Paul. Dear, sweet Paul will know what to say. Near tears and feeling ridiculous, I tell him what has been going on. His response, "that all sounds like a normal part of the process". What process? Have you ever been pregnant before?! Have you ever had to wonder if you just peed yourself before??!! HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT WHY YOUR UTERUS IS CRAMPING BEFORE????!!!! I did not say these things. I simply said, "I will talk to you later. Good bye."

Web MD pregnancy message boards have been a constant source of "calm" for me during this crazy time in my life. Therefore, I proceed to the 2nd trimester board to post my complaint and beg for some one to talk some sense into me. The girls never let me down. Others share that they have had these symptoms, and I begin to feel better. I read silly stories about the husbands of others, and I even manage to laugh. Paul works up the courage to call me back and ask if I am okay. By now I am over my morning for the most part. I still feel crampy, but it is now a good this. My baby is growing, therefore so am I. I am even pretty sure the feel the little baby spinning away and having a good time. Please just don't crash into my bladder again, Baby. I beg you!