Learning the hard way

We are all doing it right now. Emma is learning that she absolutely CANNOT cover Asher with blankets or sit on him. Even if he laughs maniacally the entire time. She is also learning if she refuses to eat what is offered at meal times, she will be a very hungry little girl later. The biggest thing Emma is learning is NO MEANS NO. No does not mean be quiet and do it while Mommy's back is turned. It does not mean look in the opposite direction and do it anyway. No means "if you don't stop you will go to time out and STAY there even if you howl the entire time". Not everything is learned the hard way, though. Emma is catching on to sign language like she's know it all along. Maybe all the work we did with her when she was a baby (and refused to do anything other than more and please) helped set the foundation. Counting and identifying letters has been a piece of cake for Emma. The only letters she still has trouble with are S and V. She knows all the others. Counting to 20 is almost an accomplished task. I just have to help her with 11.

Asher is learning that rolling around with your mouth open will result in losing the pacifier. Rolling all around in general will also get Asher wedged in strange positions in his crib. All of this rolling is leading to VERY long nights for Mommy. Asher is learning that arms are required to hold your face out of the carpet while he is on his belly. Leaning forward to reach a toy may result in a faceplant. Flailing wildly while "stuck" on his belly will not magically flip Asher back onto his bottom. The one thing Asher is not learning is that crawling would solve just about all of these problems. A part of me thinks it is bound to happen some time soon. Another part of me if scared to death that he will just prefer to scream and flail until he's 20.

Paul is learning that continuous fire assignments may bring good money to pay off bills, but they also lead to a very stressed out, pissy wife. Paul is also learning that his little princess has become a banshee and her fits are no longer cute or easily controlled. I hope he is learning that cuddling and coddling an out of control 2 year old does not end well for anyone in the long run. At the very least, I know he's learning that cuddling and coddling an out of control 2 year old will result in a furious wife. I cannot say for sure what else Paul is learning the hard way, because I really only get to see him about once a week for about an hour... if that.

I am learning that being a stay at home mom out in the middle of nowhere without friends or family is very, VERY hard. I am learning that TV is not the devil. It is sometimes a means to an end when it's too hot to go outside or Asher is too restless to be content with being held while outside. I am learning that grass is not a waste of space or water. If we had grass, Asher would be able to play outside and then Emma would be, too. I am learning that free range chickens prefer committing suicide to living peacefully in a big yard. They are now penned up and not very happy. But at least they will be alive. I am learning that an 85 degree house makes for cranky kids and a grumpy mommy. I am learning that we are all making sacrifices to live the way we are in order to pay off bills. I knew that all along. I just didn't realize how hard some of these sacrifices would be.

Not everything here is all bad. The kids and I really do have more good times than bad. It's just been really hard not having Paul around. I miss my husband. I constantly wonder at what point family needs to become the priority over money. But money is what allows me to stay at home with the kids now. Extra money is what will pay off the bills and allow me to continue staying at home when we move. So there's a constant debate in my head. Do I beg Paul to please stop all this fire stuff? Do I suck it up another week? Month? Until October? November? If I beg him to stop and we move, will I have to start working again and regret my decision forever? Do I suck it up, become overly stressed and force my kids to live with a crazy person for two years. At least we have Bearizona to keep us out of trouble. Emma also reconnected with a friend in Williams, and we will start visiting her every Wednesday before going to Bearizona. That should make Emma a very happy girl and give her something to look forward to every week!