Returning to the 21st century.

Paul and I have been going back and forth about whether we wanted to move into a different house. One came available, but it wasn't ideal... but then again, what is? The house is in a complex, so there would be people to befriend and pile cookies upon. We would have unlimited electricity and water. There are these beautiful green things called trees, and the kids would have a yard to play in. Unfortunately, this move would mean an even longer commute for Paul. We already spend way too much money a month on gas, and during the week he is home an average of two hours a day. We finally decided to just go ahead and do it, and that very night I was given a sign that we had made the right decision.

Since our house is solar powered, our water is gravity fed from a cistern in the roof. We run the pump to fill the water during the day while we have sunlight. To fill the electricity gaps, we use a generator. Well... I take a shower with the kids to try to conserve water and keep from using it all up during the night. I had the generator going since it had been cloudy all day. Just as I shampooed my hair, I noticed the water was slower than usual. I jumper out and turned on the pump and then frantically tried to rise the shampoo out. The hot water went completely out, and using cold winter water was out of the question. Luckily I had gotten most of the shampoo out.

I waited for the water to fill back up and proceeded to finish cooking dinner for Paul and myself. As I was cooking, I noticed the lights were getting weak and the generator sounded funny. Long story short, our generator crapper out, and we didn't have enough battery power to refill the water. Needless to say, we moved into the new house the next day... in a snow storm.

Now we have lights, water pressure and I can use a microwave to cook dinner if I am feeling lazy. We have been in the house just shy of two weeks, and I have already made fudge, cookies, chocolate covered pretzels and banana bread. My refrigerator and freezer are big enough to hold more than 5 things, and I feel like I am living the high life.

Living off the grid really helped me put things in perspective. I thought I needed a big house with big rooms and lots of stuff. It turned out I just really need water, electricity, neighbors and my family to be a happy lady! The dogs love the nice big yard and neighbors coming by to pet them. The kids like the extra space to explore. Paul is fine with the commute, because happy kids and a happy wife make for a happy Paul. He is such a trouper. Oh and we got to keep the chickens, too. That just makes me extra happy.

Never a dull moment!

Since I last posted, so many things have happened!

Asher had his first Halloween. We took them to Flagstaff, and both kids had a blast. Asher was a lion...
And Emma was Jessie The Cowgirl. I cried a little at how grown up Emma seemed. Asher charmed candy at each stop, while Emma insisted on asking "please" instead of saying "trick-or-treat... which I was completely fine with!

I have a new brother in law. This time it's on my side. Sam and Larry got married! I am so happy for them. It's awesome to be able to call Larry my sister's husband. It's fun to be able to say she is married now. It will be fun to see her sign something with her new last name.

Asher loved his first Thanksgiving. He chowed down...
while Emma ate crackers and drew pictures in the pumpkin pie.

I love how completely opposite Asher and Emma are. He laughs so freely, and we really have to work to get laughs from Emma. Emma is so chatty and friendly to everyone, while Asher just prefers to watch quietly from the safety of my arms. Emma has always loved her Grammy and Auntie, and Asher lights up whenever he sees his Papa or Uncle Larry. Asher sleeps like a dream at night, and Emma always insisted on a cup of milk around 2AM. Emma flew through milestones. She was talking at 8 months, walking at 10 months and was always so independent. Asher is pretty sure having his sister speak for him and having grown-ups carry him from place to place is the way to go.

Paul is possibly leaving to go to DC for three months next week, and we just found out about this yesterday. I really hope this works out for Paul, because I know it's a Detail he was really hoping to get. However, I really hope it works out that the kids and I get to go as well. I originally said I wanted no part in DC this time of year, but that was before it became a real possibility. If we can find a place to rent that will keep us within his per diem budget that will allow us to have Gambel, everything else is taken care if. My fingers are soooo crossed!

Last but not least, the events to come!

Asher is turning 1!

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Paul's birthday, Christmas and our anniversary are all just around the corner. This won't technically be Asher's first Christmas, but it will be the first one he is actually awake for! Emma is finally old enough to understand that Santa is a pretty cool guy, Christmas cookies are the best and presents are fantastic. We can't wait!

Asher speaks!

Asher decided to tell us what her really thinks of while he is babbling as said his first word. And the word was... Emma! They like to blow raspberries at each other. We were in the car, and Asher was blowing raspberries, and Emma wasn't paying any attention. Asher yelled out "Emma" and blew another raspberry. He did this several times. I've thought for a few days that Asher was saying Emma's name, and there was no denying he was for sure doing it this time. Emma and Asher have been very close from day one, and I am not surprised she was his first word. Emma thinks it's pretty cool that Asher says her name.

Since saying "Emma", Asher has also figured out who "mama" is. This isn't said as sweetly as "Emma" is. When Asher wants something (generally a bottle), he will follow me around the house yelling "mama! Mamamamamama! MAMA!". Asher also says "dada", but he hasn't started calling Paul "dada" yet. He just like to babble it. I am sure in the next week or so, Asher will make the connection.

Walking is progressing slowly but surely. Asher will stand on his own for short periods of time. He will take steps if we hold his hands, but he has no desire to take steps on his own yet. Soon enough. We are in no rush.

Emma is Emma. Smart and silly. Pretty and dirty. We are working on spelling words with her. She can spell her name and Asher's. She is very close to spelling "mommy" and "daddy". Emma can count to 50 and is learning to count how many of something there is. She can sing most of the words to her favorite songs on her own, and the poor kid still can't carry a tune in a bucket. I have never loved a singing voice more than Emma's.

The important stuff

I should be posting about Asher's 9 month appointment and Emma's 2.5 year appointment. I should be telling you all about Asher's new teeth or how off I was on his 8 month measurements I attempted to take at home. I should be telling you about how smart Emma is and how she is seemingly psychic. Instead, I am going to share a little story with you. Enjoy!

Emma: My tummy's talking.
Me: Really? What's it saying?
Emma: It's singing Twinkle Little Star. My butt sings, too. With a measuring cup.
Me: ...

We were in the shower during this conversation. Emma proceeds to sing Twinkle Little Star while rinsing her bottom with a measuring cup. It gets "stuck" on her butt cheek.

Emma: Oh! Oh! It's stuck in my butt!
Me: It's not stuck. Just move it.
Emma: It's sooooo stuck! ::moves measuring cup away from rear end:: Whew! I did it! It's off! That was sooooo close!
Me: ...

Apparently that was a life or death situation. I'm glad it all worked out in the end for her.

Now THAT is the stuff baby book should be make out of.

Asher at 8 months

I will attempt to refrain from going on and on about how quickly time is passing and just give the facts.

Height and Weight: About 26 inches and 18.5 pounds
Teeth: Bottom two front teeth are through and several top teeth seem to be on their way
Milestones reached: Asher...

• sleeps through the night when his teeth are not hurting.
• decided he was done nursing, so we had to switch to formula.
• also decided he is a big boy and purees are for babies, so he is eating various finger foods and most of what we eat for meals.
• can crawl on his hands and knees, pull up to stand and climb up his toys.
• attempted to take a step today and failed big time. He only cried for a second (out of shock probably), so it's okay to laugh.

Favorite toy: Anything he is not supposed to have. Like the edges of the safety mats we have on the floor.
Security Object: His tiny blankey. While traveling, he snuggles with an elephant Grammy bought for him.
Ticklish spots: Collar bone and toes. He laughs so hard he makes complete strangers giggle.
Favorite pastimes:

• When he is being held, Asher loves for the person holding him to jump.
• Any game Emma is playing. He just watches her and smiles all day.
• Dancing and listening to us sing is always a favorite.
• Visiting the dogs or chickens is always good for a giggle.
• Playing in the shower with Mommy and Emma is how he prefers to get clean now.
• Swimming! Just like the rest of his family.

Asher is a very social baby and loves just about everyone he has ever met. He spent a day at daycare, and only cried a little. When I went to pick him up, he was sitting on the floor playing. Once he saw me, he laughed and laughed. Everyone who has met Asher just loves him. He is just such a happy and sweet little guy. It's easy to know when something is really bothering him, because then he will get fussy and upset. While having another baby has been hard at times, I wouldn't trade a single minute of it. We all love Asher so much!

I can do it myself!

I woke up yesterday to Emma crawling over my bed. I noticed she was naked, but that is nothing new for her. I got out of bed, went into the bathroom and noticed the house smelled nasty. We have some chicks in the house, so I chalked it up to that. I got Asher out of his crib and was just about to change him when Emma called to me. She was laying in my bed with her legs way up in the air. The day took a horrible turn when she said, "look, Mommy! Poop!" She had poo smeared all down her legs and all over her feet. The same little legs that were sliding all over my sheets. The same little feet that had been running around the house for God only knows how long. Poor Asher Babe had to go back into the crib with out his morning bottle. Luckily he had woken up later than usual for his middle of the night feeding, so I knew he wasn't starving... yet. Emma was promptly plopped into the shower.

By this time I noticed I had stepped in poo at some point. Needless to say, the whole house got mopped and my bed got stripped. Emma was scrubbed from head to toe. The odd thing is that I never found any evidence of WHERE Emma had pooed. Her pull up was in the trash... wet and soggy but not pooed in. I asked Emma over and over if she had gone poopy. Every time, she said, "Yeah, Mommy! I poopy rocks right here." All while pointing to the toilet. I guess she woke up and tried to go potty by herself. I was proud but definitely horrified at the same time.

Learning the hard way

We are all doing it right now. Emma is learning that she absolutely CANNOT cover Asher with blankets or sit on him. Even if he laughs maniacally the entire time. She is also learning if she refuses to eat what is offered at meal times, she will be a very hungry little girl later. The biggest thing Emma is learning is NO MEANS NO. No does not mean be quiet and do it while Mommy's back is turned. It does not mean look in the opposite direction and do it anyway. No means "if you don't stop you will go to time out and STAY there even if you howl the entire time". Not everything is learned the hard way, though. Emma is catching on to sign language like she's know it all along. Maybe all the work we did with her when she was a baby (and refused to do anything other than more and please) helped set the foundation. Counting and identifying letters has been a piece of cake for Emma. The only letters she still has trouble with are S and V. She knows all the others. Counting to 20 is almost an accomplished task. I just have to help her with 11.

Asher is learning that rolling around with your mouth open will result in losing the pacifier. Rolling all around in general will also get Asher wedged in strange positions in his crib. All of this rolling is leading to VERY long nights for Mommy. Asher is learning that arms are required to hold your face out of the carpet while he is on his belly. Leaning forward to reach a toy may result in a faceplant. Flailing wildly while "stuck" on his belly will not magically flip Asher back onto his bottom. The one thing Asher is not learning is that crawling would solve just about all of these problems. A part of me thinks it is bound to happen some time soon. Another part of me if scared to death that he will just prefer to scream and flail until he's 20.

Paul is learning that continuous fire assignments may bring good money to pay off bills, but they also lead to a very stressed out, pissy wife. Paul is also learning that his little princess has become a banshee and her fits are no longer cute or easily controlled. I hope he is learning that cuddling and coddling an out of control 2 year old does not end well for anyone in the long run. At the very least, I know he's learning that cuddling and coddling an out of control 2 year old will result in a furious wife. I cannot say for sure what else Paul is learning the hard way, because I really only get to see him about once a week for about an hour... if that.

I am learning that being a stay at home mom out in the middle of nowhere without friends or family is very, VERY hard. I am learning that TV is not the devil. It is sometimes a means to an end when it's too hot to go outside or Asher is too restless to be content with being held while outside. I am learning that grass is not a waste of space or water. If we had grass, Asher would be able to play outside and then Emma would be, too. I am learning that free range chickens prefer committing suicide to living peacefully in a big yard. They are now penned up and not very happy. But at least they will be alive. I am learning that an 85 degree house makes for cranky kids and a grumpy mommy. I am learning that we are all making sacrifices to live the way we are in order to pay off bills. I knew that all along. I just didn't realize how hard some of these sacrifices would be.

Not everything here is all bad. The kids and I really do have more good times than bad. It's just been really hard not having Paul around. I miss my husband. I constantly wonder at what point family needs to become the priority over money. But money is what allows me to stay at home with the kids now. Extra money is what will pay off the bills and allow me to continue staying at home when we move. So there's a constant debate in my head. Do I beg Paul to please stop all this fire stuff? Do I suck it up another week? Month? Until October? November? If I beg him to stop and we move, will I have to start working again and regret my decision forever? Do I suck it up, become overly stressed and force my kids to live with a crazy person for two years. At least we have Bearizona to keep us out of trouble. Emma also reconnected with a friend in Williams, and we will start visiting her every Wednesday before going to Bearizona. That should make Emma a very happy girl and give her something to look forward to every week!

Do stay at home mom's get vacations?

Poor Emma has been puking all evening. Asher is pissed at himself for not knowing how to crawl, so he's been falling and screaming all day. Nap time was non-existent, and I'm not sure whether or not I've had a chance to eat yet today. I feel torn with what I should do tonight. Do I stay in Emma's room with her and risk the monitor waking her up when Asher needs to eat or wakes up screaming when he discovers he is on his belly? Do I stay in our room with Asher and risk not knowing if Emma is getting sick in her bed? Do I sleep on the floor in the living room and hope I'll be able to hear everything from there? Oh how I miss Paul at times like these. I miss him when he's gone no matter what, but I really miss my "partner" right now. I feel so horrible for Emma. My heart hurts for her. She threw up on one of our chairs and later said, "oh no. I sit it out on the chair". I made sure she knew it would be okay. Poor kid. I am terrified Asher is going to get sick. I am really hoping this is just heat related. No one else needs to go through what poor Emma is having to. Well... I think since both kids are passed out for the time being, I'll go try to find something to eat. Pray Emma feels better in the morning!

Back on track

It has been 6 months since my last post, and a lot has obviously happened. I'll just try to summarize and then stay on track from now on.

Us: We moved to a new house that is "off the grid", which has allowed me to become a stay at home. It has been a bit of an adjustment, because we have to really conserve electricity (the house is solar powered), and we are at least half an hour from any stores or restaurants. We have seven chickens, and the kids love them. It's nice to have fresh eggs every day, and chickens are a piece of cake to take care of. The dogs, much to their dismay, have become primarily outdoor dogs for the rest of the summer. The house is just too small, and they shed way too much. We try to spend some time with them everyday, and Emma loves to play with them and give them treats.

Paul: Paul has been on three fires since the start of the summer. I know it's hard work and long hours, but Paul will do just about anything to help us pay off bills faster. He also likes to do anything he can to make his resume that much more impressive so he can become a district ranger sometime in the near future. I am constantly amazed at what a hard worker Paul is. Emma and Paul have become very close. He is like the best toy she's ever had. They love to play and wrestle and cuddle. While he's on fires, I tell Emma he's at work. When he comes home, it's like Christmas time for her.

Emma: I had no idea "toddlers" could be so clever. Even though she is still considered a toddler, it's hard for me to think of her as that. She seems more like a preschooler. Emma can almost count to 20 (she does it best if some one counts with her), and I only tried teaching her a few days ago. She can identify about half of the alphabet, at least 11 shapes and at least 10 colors. Emma speaks in very clear elaborate sentences. "I wanna go outside and feed the chickens, please". "Do you hear that sound? It's an airplane!" Swimming has become an absolute passion for Emma, and she has absolutely no fear of the water. Emma still goes to daycare about every other Friday to play with her friends. I think Emma will be very happy once Asher is a little more mobile. She loves him to no end, but sometimes she wants to play with him in ways he's just not ready for yet. When Asher wakes up, Emma will turn out his sound machine and sing or talk to him until I get him up. Speaking of singing... Emma can sing all of her favorite songs. She may gets the words mixed up sometimes, but that makes it even cuter!

Asher: Asher will be 7 months old in a few days. He can sit, roll and is babbling quite a bit. He loves to sleep on his tummy, but he gets really mad when he wakes up and refuses to roll back over. He just lays there and screams. It is very obvious that Asher would like to crawl and explore, but he is very impatient and won't even try. He just lays on his belly and yells. I remember Emma doing the same thing, and she was so much happier once she figured it out. I hope the same happens for Asher. Asher has had a very rough 7 months. He started out with reflux and poopy issues. Teething was horrible for him. Oh yeah! He's got his two bottom teeth! Once he got past all of that, he started to get really fussy again and was crying non stop all day. I tried giving him bottles of formula and offering more food. Nothing seemed to help. One day I gave him a different bottle because I was too lazy to do dishes. He loved the bottle and guzzled down the formula. Ever since, he has been a happy little guy. It was a long six weeks, but we are all a lot less stressed and getting much better sleep now.

Me: Being a stay at home mom is much harder than I thought it would be. It's easier on the days I take the kids into town to play at the park or run errands, but gas is too expensive to do that too often. Now that Asher is happier, we are able to spend more time outside. As long as the kids are happy, I'm happy! Emma and I like to cook and bake together. We made some pies and a Thai beef salad today. I try to work on school activities with Emma at least once a day, which has become much easier with a happier Asher. The kids are on the same afternoon napping schedule, so I'm able to take naps when I need them now. Asher usually wakes up about 20 minutes before Emma. So I bring him into bed with me for some snuggle and play time with just him and me. Living out here can be hard at times, but it is worth it to be able to spend so much time with Emma and Asher. I don't feel rushed to cook and clean while trying to squeeze in quality time with the kids anymore. I'm still not a very good house keeper, but I'm trying. Again... it's getting easier now that Asher is happier.

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One month later...

It's been a month since Asher was born, and everything is going very well for all of us. Paul and I have had our ups and downs, but what couple doesn't during the first few weeks after bringing home a new baby? We are all getting much more rest now, and that has made a huge difference.


Asher was a sleeping machine the first week or so, but we hit a few speed bumps. He is a very gassy little guy, but we seem to have that under control now. Emma had a super nasty cold (it's actually STILL lingering), and Asher caught a touch of it. Mostly he just has a stuffy nose. He was sleeping very well in bed with us, but we were unable to keep him propped up enough once he got stuffy. He hated the bassinet, the vibrating lamb chair and both of his swings. Luckily, we found a bouncy chair on clearance at Target, and that did the trick. Some eucalyptus and rosemary oil in his humidifier and a whole lot of nose suctioning also helped! He is still stuffy, but he's back on track with sleep 3-4 hours at a stretch at night. Hooray!

Asher smiled for the first time today! What a way to celebrate his one month milestone. I didn't know if it was just a silly face or not, but he smiled again when I spoke to him in a silly voice. And he was looking right at me when he did it. He smiled several more times before I got the sense to try to take a picture. This one is the best I could get.


We have about an hour every night when Asher hates the world. It breaks our hearts, because he is such a happy baby otherwise. But from about 8pm-9pm, Asher is angry. It's not the full on meltdowns Emma had at his age (and still has, as a matter of fact... haha). He cries out a little and grunts a whole lot, but you can tell he is not happy. He will every once in a while cry his little heart out, but we think that was mostly due to his gurgley tummy. We just know to anticipate this, and a little snuggle goes a long way with him. He wants to suck all the time, but the silly guy just will not take a pacifier. His hands only make him mad, and... well... I have other things that need to be done, if you catch my drift. He'll figure it all out eventually, though. Actually, he gets better and better every day.

Emma is still her wonderful monstrous self! Her top two year molars are the only teeth she has left to cut, and we will all be so much happier once they finally come through. She has been miserable, and a miserable Emma takes everyone else down with her. The one plus to a cranky little lady is it makes her extra snuggly. However, we aren't always able to pick her up or have her on our laps, and that is NOT okay with her. The one person who can brighten her day no matter what, is Asher. She loves that little guy like nothing and no one else. When she goes to bed, she gives him the longest kiss and the biggest hug. She always tells him she loves him, and she hates when she can't see him. When we pick her up from school, the first thing she does is look for him and asks, "where Asher?" For as angry as Emma can get, she can be 5 times sweeter. She brings me water whenever I am feeding Asher. If I am holding Asher, she will sit there and just watch him or lay her head on him. If he starts fussing, she will drop everything to make sure we are taking care of him. The best thing we ever did for our little girl was give her a little brother to love so much.


I got a new car stereo for Christmas, but we don't use it for anything more than listening to Emma CDs. I am thankful to have a working CD player, though, or else I would have to do all the singing. Emma knows how to ask for her favorite songs now, and it's hard not to play or sing them for her when she asks so sweetly. It is amazing to hear her sing along with the songs. She may only get a few of the words right, but it's still evidence that my Pumpkin Pie is growing up. She also likes to help me in the kitchen and take showers with me now. Both of which are fun most of the time, but a bit of a hassle at other times. Since figuring out how to get to the kitchen counter, Emma has decided that is the ONLY place she will eat dinner. Fine with me. But while she's up there, she smears food in all the drawers. Oh well. Shower time is no longer my private quiet time. If Emma hears the shower, she makes a beeline to join me. She also asks for showers all day and all evening long... I have to have Paul distract her in the mornings from time to time, so I can take a nice super hot, super short shower by myself. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love watching her point out her body parts and draw pictures with her bath crayons. I draw shapes for her, and she identifies more and more of them every week. She is such a smart little girl, and it amazes me every day.

An old game has come back as one of Emma's new favorites. That girl LOVES to play peek-a-boo. She'll hide behind something or put something in front of her face and say "where Emma?" When we ask where she is, she'll show herself and say "peek-a-boo!" She also likes asking where her daddy is. Even is he's standing in front of her, Emma will ask "Daddy? Where you?" When he says where he is, Emma giggles and thinks it's just the best thing ever.

Emma is more and more grown up every day. It's amazing and heartbreaking at the same time to see how quickly it happens. It's equally amazing and heartbreaking to see how quickly Asher is developing and growing bigger and bigger every day. I couldn't ask for more than my perfectly little family.

The story behind the name

Emma's name is pretty straight forward. Emma Noel. Paul picked Emma, and I picked Noel. Anyone who knows me knows I love Christmas time, so Noel was a pretty obvious choice. Now Asher Huckleberry... that's another story.

Since before Emma was born, Paul has begged me to agree to Huckleberry Sawyer as our first son's name. Paul very obviously loved the story of Huckleberry Finn. I vetoed the suggestion. Poor Paul. My biggest concern is that our son would never be taken seriously with Huckleberry for a first name. We compromised and agreed Huckleberry made a good middle name. The Paul could have his "Huck", and I could have a son with a more serious first name.

We never could figure out a name we both loved, and luckily we had a little girl. This time around, I brought up the name Asher Huckleberry. Asher was a name I LOVED while pregnant with Emma, and I still liked the name. Paul wasn't sold. We toyed around with some other names. Tristan Huckleberry, Finn Alexander, Isaac Mikhail... none of them felt right. I kept my heart secretly set on Asher, and Paul still wanted Huckleberry to be a part of the name. When Emma says "hug", it comes out "huck". She came running up to me one night, yelled "huck!", patted my belly and hugged it. Paul and I just kind of grinned. Paul said, "she just called the baby Huck". I replied, "no. She said hug." But the memory stuck. Around week 36, Paul sent me a text. "Asher Huckleberry". I was afraid he'd change his mind, so I told him we would talk about it later. In the end, we both agreed it just felt right.

The meaning of Asher is fortunate, blessing and happy. He is living up to that name perfectly. We are fortunate to have him, he has been a true blessing to all who know him and he is such a happy baby who has made us all happy in return. I have no doubt that his middle name will show up in his personality as he gets older. I can already see the adventures he will have and the trouble he will get into. He's a little boy with a wild big sister. Adventure and trouble are inevitable, and I think it will be perfect!

Our Family of Four

Adjusting to being a family of four has been easier than I ever thought possible. Emma is in love with her little brother. She just stares at him and says, "baby! Wow!" She wants to hug and kiss him all the time. We try to make sure she doesn't touch his hands or face, though, because she has a cold. Emma has been her normal terror self, but she is not acting out from jealousy. She is just being Emma. But as terrible as she can be, Emma is still my sweet pumpkin pie. She is dancing and singing songs now. She is speaking in sentences, and one of those sentences is "I love you".


Christmas was a blast, but boy oh boy does it last forever when you have a hungry newborn and busy body toddler. We had to open some of Emma's presents for her, because she lost interest. Emma loves all of her new toys. She has a kitchen with a bake set, a tent with a tunnel entrance, a frog night light that plays music and projects stars, a shopping cart, some puzzles and a few other toys. Emma has been "cooking" in her kitchen since we put it together, and she already has a stash of toys in her tent. Every night she sleeps with her frog. She just stares at the stars until she passes out.



Asher either slept or ate through the opening of all his presents. He got several outfits, some toys and a couple of pacifiers. Daddy also got him some hooded towels.


Paul and I both loved all of our gifts. Later in the day, I had a melt down, but Paul let me cry and made me feel better. I was feeling guilty about Asher not having enough amniotic fluid when he was still in my belly. I felt like a failure for being able to tolerate labor without an epidural. Asher's bandages from his circumcision stuck, and he bled and screamed when I pulled them off. I trimmed his nails and cut one of his fingers. I felt like I was neglecting Emma. I was sad about not being able to pick Emma up. Oh I could go on forever about all the things I was feeling guilty over and sad about. On top of that, I was missing my belly and feeling Asher in I was getting cabin fever. We went for a nice long car ride, and the fresh air did us all some good.

Today Asher had his first well baby check, and it went very well. He has gained two ounces, and he is still perfect. Asher eats a lot throughout the day, and he sleeps for about 3-4 hours at a time at night. He rarely cries and mostly just grumbles when he's unhappy. He didn't even cry when he had his heel pricked. Asher doesn't have to go back for his two week check up, as he's already reached the milestones they check for at that appointment. The next well baby check will be when Asher is two months old.


Emma discovered her shadow last night, and it terrified her. She ran all around the kitchen trying to get away from it, and finally ran to Paul to have him pick her up. I showed her how shadows can wave, and she figured out they also give great high fives and fist bumps. After that, Emma decided shadows weren't so bad.

Asher had his first bath since we've been home. He hated it, so I didn't take any pictures. Emma watched him the whole time, and was very concerned for him. After Emma and Asher both got dressed for bed, we went into Emma's room for story time with Daddy. Emma gave us all hugs and kisses, but she gave Asher more love than anyone else.


I really feel that Asher completes our family at this point. I would still love to have more children in the future, but I am very happy with things as they are right now. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to give Emma the attention she is used to. It turns out I was right, but Emma doesn't care. All three of us devote time to Asher that was previously given to some one else. She doesn't get as much attention as she did before, but Emma is perfectly fine with that.


I am sure this is mostly just a long ramble of a post. I am tired and trying to remember everything I've been meaning to share. In just a few hours, Asher will be one week old. I'm not sure how that happened so fast. Time flies by, so I'll go for now. I need to nuzzle Emma once more before I go cuddle and feed Asher. Then I'll crawl into bed with my sweet husband and thank him for giving me such a wonderful life.

Asher's Arrival

At 37 weeks, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on bed rest. I took the time to relax and get caught up on some Netflix. The night of the 15th, I started having contractions every 7 minutes starting around 10:30pm. By 3AM, I was pretty sure we would be having a baby that day. Unfortunately, my contractions stopped around 5AM. At my appointment that day, my doctor checked me, and I had made no real progress. I was still 1.5 cm / 80%, which is what I was measuring at 37 weeks. I was devastated. I really thought I had made at least a little progress after all the contractions. So I went home and continued my bed rest.



On December 20th, I realized I hadn't felt Baby move very much. This was very out of the ordinary. The night before, he had been moving like crazy. I drank cold water, ate some sweets and pushed on his little bottom, and I got barely anything in response from Baby. I called my doctor's office, and they said some one would call me back shortly. After an hour, no one had called me back. Paul and I were getting antsy. We decided to head into town and go to Labor and Delivery to be monitored. While on the monitors, we noticed there was a sudden drop in Baby's heart rate. I had also been having contractions all day, and they were showing up on the monitors every 5 minutes or so. Because of Baby's heart rate dip, my doctor decided to have a biophysical profile ultrasound done. Baby would not practice breathing or use fine motor skills and there was almost no amniotic fluid left. Needless to say, we failed the test.


Paul had to go and pick Emma up from school at this time, and my friend Kelly came to keep me company while we waited to hear back from the doctor. After a short wait, my nurse told me everything looked fine except for the amniotic fluid. It was no longer beneficial for Baby to remain inside, so my doctor had decided to induce me. Not later that night. Not tomorrow. Right then. I called Mom to tell her to pack her bags and get ready to meet her new grand baby. And I called Paul to tell him we would be a family of four sometime in the next 24 hours. I was taken to my room to begin the induction process. Kelly was company for the next hour or so.

We started out with a dose of prostaglandin gel at 6:00pm. I was to lie flat for an hour. Then I would be able to walk for an hour to help me progress, and they would give me another dose of the gel afterward. At 6:30, my water broke on its own. When my water broke, Baby stopped moving again. Walking around was out of the question. I had to drink a bunch of juice, but that didn't help. the nurse decided some IV fluids may be the answer, and that perked Baby right up. I was allowed to walk around for a little while. My contractions were coming faster and harder. Kelly had gone home, and Paul was waiting for Mom to come and watch Emma at the house. I was losing confidence in myself. I cried as I wandered the halls of the hospital. I knew I wasn't going to be able to have the natural birth I hoped for. At 9:15PM, I made my way back to my room just as Paul got to the hospital. I cried even harder when I saw him. The nurse found me and said she wanted to check my progress. She also offered to give me something to help me relax. I had gotten way too worked up to relax on my own. We all could see that. When she checked me, I had progressed to 4cm / 100%. The nurse gave me stadol take the edge off, and I was able to relax for a few hours. Paul took the opportunity to nap. Around 12AM it wore off, and I was sent to walk the halls again. My contractions were unbearable and right on top of each other again. I couldn't go more than a few steps between contractions, and I was nauseous and shaking. I finally broke down and got an epidural, and I was so glad I did! It was 1:00AM, and I was 5cm and in active labor. The nurse figured I might have a little while still, so I tried to nap but couldn't. Paul had no problem in that department. I missed Emma so much. I dozed for a few minuted and dreamed I was snuggling her.

At around 2AM, my nurse came in to check me, and I was 8cm. She said not to get my hopes up, because I still had some dropping to do and progress to make. I knew better. Once I hit active labor with Emma, I was ready to push in a few hours. At 3AM, I called my nurse to say I felt pressure. She checked me, and I was complete. The nurse called for the doctor. I started pushing at 3:40AM, and my little guy was born at 4:05AM. Asher Huckleberry Hancock was born perfect and healthy. He was the best Christmas present we could have asked for.

Thanksgiving

This was our last trip out of town for a very, very long time! I really don't see us traveling with a newborn, toddler, three dogs and all of the required stuff to keep us all happy any time in the near future. We went down to Phoenix for the weekend, and we all had a good time. We spent Thanksgiving with Mom, Sam and Larry. We went ahead and gave them their gifts, since we didn't know what Christmas would hold for us. We decided to get Mom and Dad, Sam and Larry and Paul and Me matching logo shirts and a new board game. Something fun and silly, and everyone seemed happy. We stayed up a little too late playing the game, but isn't that what new games are for?

Emma was a little bit of a monster over Thanksgiving, but she really wasn't napping or sleeping well the entire weekend. So it was expected. We all made way too much food, but it was delicious. Unfortunately for Emma, she didn't taste a bite. All she wanted was Goldfish and pink lemonade. Given that none of the adults were eating very healthy, Paul and I just let her have what she wanted.

Mom, Sam and I decided to forgo the tradition of waking up hours before the sun to hit all the Black Friday Sales, but Mom, Paul and I still got up when Emma did to get a somewhat early start to our shopping. I was able to get all of Paul's gifts, and we only have one more thing left to get for Emma. My little Pumpkin Pie did very well shopping all day, and she even stayed up extra late to go out to dinner with all of us. Emma had her first Oreo and surprised up by promptly opening it and eating all the cream. I guess somethings are just instinct!

Over Thanksgiving weekend, we discovered Emma knows Pat-A-Cake. Since then, we have also learned Emma knows some of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Row Row Row your boat and The Itsy Bitsy Spider. She may not know too many of the words, but she knows enough of the words and melody to make it obvious what she's singing! Emma is also starting to speak in sentences and can say the names of many of her friends at school, family members and animals. The only name she can't quite grasp yet is Biko... whom she calls Guppo... which we all think is even cuter. Dancing has become a favorite past time for Emma. She particularly loves swing music, but if she has her tutu on, she will dance to anything! Emma's favorite animals right now are dogs and elephants. If she sees either one, she will shout out "dog" or "elphan".

Potty training was going very well, but Emma decided to take a week off. Paul and I were to blame as well, since during that time we kept forgetting to ask if she needed to go. In the past few days, Emma has gotten better again. She is waking up with dry diapers and is letting me know she needs to go potty instead of just drinking her milk and going in her diaper. This coming weekend will be a "panty weekend", so hopefully that will help encourage her to go on the potty.

Paul and I are doing well. I was being a horrible person for several weeks, but I finally opened up to Paul about how overwhelmed, tired and sore I have been. I was afraid to break down, because he would think I was weak and unfit as a mother. I have no idea why I would think such a thing of my sweet husband, but I did. The day I finally let it all out, Paul bought us a new mattress topper and me a new body pillow. I can finally sleep for longer than an hour at a time, and it's amazing what a little sleep can do to heal the soul! My bones are still horribly sore, but at least they don't hurt while I am in bed. I am not so terrified of not being able to handle Emma and a new baby, and I am back to eagerly anticipating the joys and challenges being a mother of two will bring. I apologized profusely to poor Paul for how awful I had been, and he has once again forgiven me for being nasty.

We are now as close to being ready for Baby as a family can possibly be. The nursery is ready, and the bassinet is set up in our room. We have enough essentials to get us started, but I am planning a mini shopping spree when Baby is born so I can buy some gender specific clothes, spit cloths, etc. Emma has a very limited notion of what is going on, but I think she will be very excited to have a baby in the house. She loves to visit the babies at school, and she is always very gentle with them. If anything, I think she may be angry with me for dividing my time, but I really don't think she will be mean to Baby. Emma is in love with my belly, which she calls "baby", and she loves to rub lotion on it and give it kisses. Though my little lady can be a monster, she can also be one of the sweetest little girls I have ever known. Even Emma's teachers comment on how lovable she can be. I truly think giving her a baby brother or sister will be one of the best things we have ever done for her and our family. After all, how can a child ever be anything other than a blessing?

Halloween

This year Emma dressed up as Little Bo Peep. We went to Boo at the Zoo the weekend before Halloween with my mom, dad, Sam and Larry. Emma had a blast. She loved the birds and the farm area. She especially loved the cows and goats.


Emma could have stayed in the farm all day. In fact, she burst into tears when I took her away from the cows. By that time, she was pretty exhausted, so Paul carried her for a little while before putting her back into her stroller. Emma had a blast with her Grammy and Papa. She ran all over the zoo, and Papa did a great job of chasing after her. It was great to see her having such a good time. Dad will be leaving to go back to Saudi soon, and it almost seemed like Emma knew that. She snuggled with him, played with him and was an all around charmer.



On Halloween, Paul, Emma and I went into Flagstaff to trick-or-treat downtown. It didn't take Emma long to get the hang of it. At the first couple of stops, we had to pick out the candy for Emma. After that, she would look at me, run over to whoever had the candy, grab a piece and run away. She had to stop constantly to make sure her candy was still in her basket, even though I kept telling her I wouldn't steal it.

For dinner, we stopped at a pizza place. I noticed Emma still had a dry diaper, so I took her to the bathroom to see if she would go. Sure enough, as soon as I sat her down, she went pee pee. It was her first time going potty in a public place. She is getting so good at knowing when she has to go potty, that I've convinced her teachers to help out with potty training, even though they don't usually start working with the kiddos until they are in the 2 year old room. Anyway, we all had a great time last night. It was an awesome way to spend Halloween.

Some other updates:


Emma is talking up a storm now. She knows exactly what she's trying to say, and we can actually decipher most of it. She is sleeping in her big girl bed now, and she uses the potty more often than not when she's at home. She's even waking up to go potty. Emma has become so self-sufficient it's often heartbreaking at endearing at the same time. The other day, she said, "I yuh you" and gave me a big hug. That was the first time she told me she loves me without being prompted, and I LOVED it. She gives hugs and kisses and says she loves us all the time. We are very excited to see how she is with her new baby brother or sister.

Gambel made it to 16 weeks and even had some of his adult teeth in now. It seems he had a brush with death and made it through unscathed. He is getting very big, and we all (Alpine and Trixie included) absolutely adore him. Emma loves to feed him, and he is pretty much housebroken already.

Baby is doing very well. We had an ultrasound last week. Baby is breech, but that's not really a huge concern yet. Emma was breech, too, until 36 weeks. So there's still plenty of time. Right now, Baby is estimated to weigh about 4 lbs, so we are pretty sure this one will be chubbier than Emma was. I still have no idea whether we were having a boy or girl, but Paul says boy. I think I'll stick with girl so at least one of us will be right. We have a diaper party next weekend, a date to see Harry Potter and a hospital tour the weekend after and after that... it'll be Thanksgiving. Time is going by so quickly, and I don't think it will slow down any time soon. Ready or not, here come the holidays and a new baby!

The missing months

September and October just flew by. As is customary of life, things have been crazy around here. After my doctor decided to move and close his practice, I found another. I was apprehensive at first, as I had a previous bad experience with him, but he is turning out to be okay. While Paul was working on a fire sometime in September, I ended up with a nasty fever. I had to suck it up to take care of Emma, but it wiped me out. It broke on its own in the middle of the night, but I still felt cruddy for a while. I also caught a cold with a cough that would not go away. Unfortunately, Emma and Paul were also sick. Emma had the cold first, and was feeling fine in just a few days. It took me about a week, and Paul was sick for several weeks.

By October we were all feeling fine, but we had a surprise in store. On October 6, our neighborhood was hit by a tornado. Our part of Arizona was hit with 8 tornadoes in 24 hours. It had been storming all night, so I didn't sleep well at all. I seemed to be the only having a hard time relaxing. At 5 that morning, the storm seemed to suddenly pick up, and I told Paul I was sick of it. The wind got louder and the house started shaking. I could hear cracking noises, and I was terrified. I jumped out of bed and ran to Emma's room to check on her. She was still sleeping and things seemed to be calming down outside. I stood outside of her room trying to figure out what I should do, and Paul convinced me to go back to bed. We realized the electricity had gone out, so Paul went to find some candles so we could get up and get ready for the day. I was still really nervous from the storm and kept telling Paul that something really terrible had happened. We started noticing the sound of sirens and shouting outside. Paul saw that one of our windows had cracked. I called my mom to tell her something was going on but I wasn't sure what. I said they would hear about Bellemont on the news, and I wanted to let her and my dad know that we were alright. I said I would call when I knew more.

By then, the sun started coming up, and I saw that the back fences had blown over. I was trying to figure out a way to warm some milk up for Emma (she still likes warm milk in the mornings and before bed), but the pilot on the stove wouldn't light. Paul had gotten Emma out of bed, and I went upstairs to get her. We noticed people kept shining lights in our windows, so we knew something serious was going on. I was standing at the top of the stairs with Emma when our back door opened. A man with a flashlight came in and said he was with the sheriff's department. He wanted to make sure we were alright. I said we were fine, and another man walked in behind the officer. I asked what was going on, and the officer said there had been a tornado. The other man was a neighbor, and he said we were very lucky. He was from three houses over, and their house had been completely destroyed. I would later find out that this neighbor, after assuring his family was safe, had gone down the street and turned off every one's gas lines. This would prove to be a blessing. There ended up being four gas leaks in our house, and I am terrified to think of what could have happened while I was trying to relight the stove if the gas had still been on.

At around 6am, Paul and I started wandering around outside to see what damage had been done. Besides a few cracked windows a destroyed garage door and a collapsed fence, we seemed to have thankfully gotten by with a minimal amount of damage. Our neighbors were not so lucky. The house next to ours had lost all of their windows and garage doors, the house next to theirs had lost their roof, and the third house over was almost completely gone. While I was talking to one of neighbors, we saw another tornado touching down. I had Emma, I grabbed the dogs and Paul, and we all hid in the downstairs closet. I decided we had gotten lucky once, and I was not going to tempt fate again. My boss and friend, Cheri, had already booked a room for us in Flagstaff, and I told Paul we needed to get out of the house as soon as it was safe enough to leave the house.

We ended up staying in a hotel for a week while we were waiting for the gas and electricity to be repaired. In the mean time, Paul stayed home from work to get our fenced repaired so the dogs could leave the garage. My mom, aunt, cousin and grandmother came up for a day to help Paul finish the fence and clean up the glass and debris outside. They were a great help, which was much appreciated. The following week, I had to go out of town for work. So back into a hotel I went. The week after I got back, Paul had to go out of town for work.

Our sweet little Emma had a rough time while we were in the hotel, but she felt much better once we able to go back home. By Halloween, Emma was back to her peppy self, but that's another post. I'm pretty sure this one has gotten long enough.

Good, Bad, Happy and Sad

Good: We are all doing well. Emma is learning more and more words and phrases every day. My favorite phrase is "high bibe" (high five). Our little lady loves to give high fives! Emma is also getting pretty good at running and she eats at a big girl table now. We are just so proud of her every day. Our Itty Bitty One is doing very well. The 20 week ultrasound came perfect, and Baby and I are measuring right on track. My 2 week checks should be done soon, and everything is holding up as it should be. Paul and I are doing very well. He has been working overtime, but we spend time together when we can. I have been very busy at work, but it's nice learning so much and being able to prove myself.

Bad: We just had to spend the money we've been saving for my maternity leave to fix my car, and Paul still needs tires for his car. As far as bed goes, really that's about it.

Happy: We got a new puppy. His name is Gambel, and he's a little sweetheart. Trixie loves him, Alpine is getting better, and he annoys the hell out of poor Emma. The funny thing is that we got Gambel primarily for Emma. The are getting better with each other. Gambel just needs to learn his boundaries. When he's chasing Emma around, She screams and runs away. However... when I put Gambel outside, Emma calls to him and tries to get him to come back. I'm sure in a few weeks or so, they will be best friends. In the mean time, it's fun to watch them working it out. He nips at her a little, and she swats at him. All in all, it's like a little harmless sibling rivalry.

The sad... We lost Lexus on August 14. She was fine Friday evening. She ate her dinner and acted just fine when Paul went out to brush the others later that evening. We think she must have gotten up to go potty and just laid down and went to sleep on the back patio. Unfortunately, she didn't wake up. That morning Paul found her, and it was a horrible, heartbreaking way to start our day. The bright side is that she passed quietly on a nice summer evening. We didn't have to make the difficult decision of when to put her down. She was getting old and her body was deteriorating. It was obviously her time to go, but that doesn't make it any easier to let her go. There will always be a little piece of my heart missing, but that helps to remind me that she was a well loved companion who had a very happy life.

As always, our lives are nothing more or less than typical. It's not always sunshine and rainbows, but that's the way it goes. We are all healthy, and we are happy more often than not. We get sick. We get better. We fight. We make up. We get ahead. We get behind. I truly believe it's the trials that make us stronger and the hardships that make us appreciate everything else. Without the downs, how would we ever know how incredible the views are from up high?

A Mile A Minute

Where oh where to begin? I guess the first thing to share (now that the cat's out of the bag) is our happy news that Baby #2 in on the way. As of today, I am just over 14 weeks and officially in my second trimester! My Itty Bitty One is due to make his or her appearance on New Years Eve. What a fantastic Christmas present for us all!

Emma is more of a monster than ever and is all over the place all the time! For the first time in about a week, she finally slept through the night last night. Thank goodness! We moved out of our house in Williams and are now renting my parents' house. I think the move plus more teething (does it ever end) made for some long nights for my Pumpkin Pie. Not to mention, Emma HAS to be attached to my hip at all times. I guess she suddenly realized Mommy is just the most wonderful person ever! Things are starting to settle down a bit now, so hopefully Emma settles down a bit as well.

The one thing Emma really, really loves about her new house is her new giant bathtub. To conserve water (since we had to pay to have it hauled) we were still using Emma's baby tub at the Williams house. Now that we have community water, Emma gets to take a bath in not only a full size tub, but a giant jacuzzi tub! She splashes and squeals and has a fantastic time. She gets a bath every night, and it's really her happiest time, I think!

Emma also really likes having a little yard to play in. She like to dig in the rocks and put them in buckets. She also loves to share her rocks with me. We have a little patch of grass, but Emma prefers the rocks. Go figure. I'm trying to grow some flowers in a little flower bed, and Emma was great help with weeding. She wasn't very happy when I took her shovel, but I made amends when I offered her the weeds I was digging up. She put them all in a little bucket for me. When I have the sprinkler going, Emma likes to go out and stand in the water. And when puddles start to form, Emma is in heaven! Afterall, there's nothing better than splashing in puddles!

Over the long weekend, Emma and I went to Phoenix to spend time with my parents, Sam and Larry. Paul couldn't go, because he was working. Emma got to swim in a pool for the first time, and it did NOT go well at first. By day two, she was doing better, and by day three, you would think she was raised in a pool. She was floating in her life vest, jumping off the steps for us to catch her and I was even able to dunk her under without her freaking out. Progress indeed!

We had been watching Biko and Zoe for Mom and Dad, and Emma and I brought them to their new house over the weekend. It's kinda sad not having them around anymore. I've been begging Paul for a new puppy, and now I really, really want one!

Emma is a little talking machine now! She just turned 15 months, and it's like she finally discovered words! She'll try to mimic just about anything we say (which gets me in trouble from time to time), but there are several that she will say on a regular basis. Emma's all time favorite word (for how many months now?!) is still "uh oh!" She can say "mama" (sometimes "mi mi") and "dada" or "dad". She says "gook" (book) and "zeus" (shoes). She says "hi", and will even say it when you hand her the phone. She says "gog" (dog). Every couple of days there is something new to add, but those are her favorite words. She was saying "help" the other day when her arm go stuck in her shirt, but she has yet to say it again. However, she has yet to get stuck in her shirt again, too. Emma uses her "more" sign language sign when she is eating, and she has her own rendition of the "all done" sign. But it works for us, so I don't complain. She knows to shake her head "no", and she is just starting to nod, but I don't think she quite understands what it means yet. Emma is very good at following commands, like "give the book to Mommy", and she loves to help clean up her play room. If Emma takes toys out, she will usually put them away when she is done without even being told to. We still have our battles with the entertainment center and DVDs, but those are really small issues in my book. though I will admit it gets frustrating to have to pull her away over and over and over...

The funniest thing Emma does right now is chew people out. She will go out of her way to tell her Papa when she is not a happy camper. She will babble in a sassy little tone, swing her hands all around and shake her head. She's also done it to a few strangers while we were out and about. Emma's babbling is almost constant, and I would love to know what she is trying to say!

So basically things are just as busy as ever in Hancock house. Oh! I did have my first night away from Emma. It ended up being only one night instead of two. It went well on my end. I just stayed busy and went to bed early. I did have a hard time sleeping, but it went well for me overall. Emma gave her daddy a hard time at bath time, but she's never really been given a bath by anyone other than me, so that was to be expected. I feel more comfortable going out of town every now and then, and I'm even going to be staying over night for a meeting this coming Sunday night. I think Emma and Paul will appreciate being able to spend some time together without Mommy hovering overhead.

Emma and I both have appointments at the end of the week. I hope all goes well for both of us! I will post again when I get a chance.