Since it has been so long since I have posted, I am going to break everything down by months. I don't have my calendar handy, so I am going to have to guess on specifics as far as dates and measurements go.
Month 1:
Bringing Emma home was by far the most exciting and terrifying thing I have ever done. She hated being dressed to go home, and she hated her car seat. Every time the car would stop, she would cry. I cried, too, because I hated seeing her upset. We won't even discuss the affect my hormones were having on my sanity. My mom (Grammy), my sister (Auntie Sam), my sister's boyfriend (Uncle Larry) and my mom's mom (Cracker) were waiting at the house for us. My family was a source of help we could not have done without. At the very least, they kept me from killing poor Paul. He probably wasn't even doing anything wrong, but the first few days (and eventually the first couple of months) I blamed everything on my dear husband. Emma slept a lot, and I barely slept at all. I was so worried something was going to happen to her while I slept. Thankfully, the only thing that happened while I slept was Emma woke up to be fed. Nursing was very hard for both of us in the beginning. We were both too lazy to do it right. After a couple of weeks, we figured it out, and it's still going well. Emma went to her first pediatric appointment when she was about four days old. She had already gained a few ounces above her birth weight. My fears of starving my child were put to rest. At one month, Emma had gained two pounds. She was definitely not starving! Since she started out so skinny, her rapid weight gain was a good thing. By the end of the first month, I was beginning to loosen up a little bit, and we were finally starting to really bond. I was still having painful symptoms from the complications I had experienced, but they were getting better, and I was able to carry Emma and be on my feet a bit more. Soon, I would have to go back to work, and I was dreading it for several reasons. I would miss Emma horribly since we were just getting to really know each other, and I was not sure how well I would be able to deal with my bleeding and pain while at work. Emma also went on her first road trips during her first month. We went to Flagstaff, AZ to visit my family and Colorado Springs to visit Paul's family. Emma did very well, and we quickly learned what to bring with us and what could be left at home. Emma was still mostly sleeping in bed with us at this point, so that was pretty easy. Grammy got her a My Little Lamb chair, and she started sleeping in it the for the next few weeks.
Month 2:
This was a month of firsts for Emma, and I know every month henceforth would be similar. First off, we got some money we were not expecting, and I was able to stay home for a few more months. This was a god send. I needed to be home due to my complications, and now I could afford to do so. The best part? I GET TO BE HOME WITH MY LITTLE LADY!!!!! I will have to go back to work eventually, but I will deal with that when it happens. We may end up getting transferred at the end of the summer, so it was better for me to just quit my job and let them find some one else. I will start looking for a new job in August if we do not move. During this month, Emma started sleeping in longer stretches. She gained another two pounds and was 22.5 inches at the beginning of her second month. She is still a long, skinny little girl. And the most beautiful baby I have ever known. We went on our first "back road" road trip to Silverton, CO. Emma loved the bouncy roads, and therefore slept through most of her first 4-wheel excursion. Emma had her first series of shots. She cried... I cried... and Daddy was informed that he is expected to come to every one of her appointments from now on more moral support, if nothing else. The shots gave Emma a bit of a fever, and I decided to give her Tylenol before our next appointment to nip that in the bud for the next time. We bought some toys Emma didn't like, but in time she learned to love them. The best was her Baby Einstein floor gym. At first she just laid on it and watched her friend Ocho the Octopus (we named all of her "friends"). After a little while, she figured out how to hit Ocho, though it was sporadic. Then... she learned to LOVE Ocho and SMILE at him. Not only did she smile at Ocho, but she smiled at us! We are not sure when gas grins turned into real smiles. The first time we really noticed it was when Paul had come home late from work. Emma was lying down while I was getting ready for bed. Paul went over to her (I could see the whole thing form where I was) and said "hello". Emma looked right at him and gave him the most beautiful smile. It was the first of billions of heart warming smiles. Paul and I laughed and thought it was the most amazing thing we had ever seen. As the days went by, Emma got better at punching Ocho, and she even started to grab at him and shake him once she caught him. Emma was very grumpy and cried a lot during the first part of her second month. I began to realize that she was not sleeping longer than 15 minutes or so, and I figured she was not getting enough sleep. How she slept the best changed from day to day. Sometimes she liked her Lamb chair and the next day she might like one of her swings the best. She began taking longer naps, and her mood rapidly improved. Emma also started sleeping longer at night. She would sleep from about 8pm to midnight, eat, sleep from 12:30am to 4am, eat, and sleep until about 7:30 or 8am. At that time, I thought 7:30 was early. As her time between late night meals lengthened, the time she woke up in the morning got earlier. Around the end of the month, Emma was up and ready to play at 5:30-6am. It was at this time I decided to revise her schedule.
Month 3:
Our third month will be coming to and end on Monday. Time is flying by. Emma is getting bigger, but she is still skinny. She is a non-stop mover. Once she learned how to grab and shake things, she wanted to grab everything. Sometimes she shakes her friends a little too vigorously, which leads to flying toys. She has started to look for them when they fall, and that is a milestone only a parent can recognize! We were having a hard time with tummy time, because our little lady has quite a temper and hated being on her belly. She would kick her feet and scream and never even attempt to figure out what to go about it. The one day, she just rolled. Like it was nothing at all. Now we have a hard time with tummy time, because Emma rolls the instant she is put down on her tummy. I will find other ways to strengthen her arms. It is cute to watch Emma roll, as her arms play not part. She pulls her feet under her tummy and kicks. Silly but very effective! Soon after she figured out how to roll, Emma discovered her toes, and she LOVES them. Out of all her toys, her toes are her favorite. She grabs them and swings her feet all over the place. I a hoping all this fun will lead to laughing soon. She giggles, but much prefers to pant when she is having fun. Emma loves to chew on everything (especially her hands!) and most objects she gets a hold of are covered in slobber. Daily squats and sit-ups are giving Emma some very impressive muscles. She loves to hold on to my fingers and sit up then stand up. Standing must make Emma feel very proud, because she does it often and always with a smile. She hold herself up while standing and just needs my fingers for balance. She will even take a few steps sometimes. All the sit-ups are also helping Emma learn how to sit. She has been using her Bumbo since she was four weeks old, so she is able to keep her back and head pretty straight. Balance is what she has to work on the most. She can sit in my lap without much help from me. As she starts to lean to the side, I help her get back to the middle. All toe toe grabbing is going to help Emma learn to roll over whether she means to or not. As she crunches her head to her toe and brings her legs to her head, she sometimes tips over to her side. She doesn't even realize that is the hardest part! I am pretty sure month 4 will be a month of rolling all over the house. As a Mommy Milestone, I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Now I just have to lose the 10 pounds I wanted to lose before I found out I was pregnant. I am beginning to look for a job. We have not heard anything about the position Paul applied for in Williams, AZ. I was so sure he would get it, but I guess it was just wishful thinking. The only part about going back to work that stresses me out, is finding someone to watch Emma. As of today, I have no leads on anyone I trust to watch her. I am going to quickly move from that topic, or I will go on about it and all the "what-ifs" forever. I have been slowly getting Emma used to her crib. She takes most of her naps there and really enjoys it. She usually wakes up laughing. Last night was Emma's first night in her crib. I slept on the floor, and was actually VERY happy and comfortable. The only reason I didn't get more sleep than I did was I had a hard time falling asleep, because I was thinking about work and some one to watch Emma. She woke up twice to eat, but I think she may be growing. We are supposed to talk about starting cereal next week at her 4 month appointment, and I think it's time. All this wiggling around and growing is making her super hungry, and I don't think I am enough anymore! I forgot to mention that we bought Emma a Baby Einstein Jumper, which she hated at first. Over the past few weeks, She has discovered that she likes it more and more. She will only stay in it for about 10 minutes at the most, but she is still learning what to do with it. Her favorite toy as of yesterday (besides her toes) is a little doll. I say little, but it is almost half as big as Emma is. She has rattles, plastic rings to chew on a d a crinkly dress. Emma loves her! I could go on all day about everything Emma does, but I think I have covered the basics. I am not sure when I will be able to get back online. In the mean time, please cross your fingers about the Williams job, and at the very least pray that I can find some one to watch Emma who will love her and treat her well. Emma is my life and I cannot even fathom something happening to her or for her to be mistreated.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Happy Birthday, Emma!
Emma Noёl Hancock was born April 3, 2009 at 10:27 AM. Emma weighed 6 lbs, 5 oz and was 20.5 inches at birth.
The first half of our story is already posted. I'll start at 2AM. My contractions were getting intense, and I was hurting from the doctor opening the scar tissue on my cervix. At 4 AM, the doctor came and checked me again, and I had no made any progress. He broke my water and uppped my pitocin. I was in so much pain that I was crying, and I broke down and got the epidural. I was still only at 4cm after 12 hours of contracting and 6 hours or pitocin, so I knew it was going to be a long night, and I couldn't handle the pain in my cervix anymore.
After the epidural was in place, my blood pressure kept crashing. The lowest it got was about 68/34. They had to give me a few shots of epinephrine, but I stabalized after about an hour. I tried taking a nap at that point, but my legs kept twitching and keeping me up. The nurse had me lay on my side to even the epidural out and that helped my legs chill out. At about 7 AM, a nurse came in to check me, and I was still a 4. Emma was also starting to stress out with the contractions, so they had to take me off of the pitocin. I was starting to lose heart at this point. I had to keep switching sides to keep Emma happy, so I was still unable to really rest.
At 8:30 AM, the doctor came on to check me again. This time he brought an internal monitor for me and baby to make sure Emma was okay and to see if my contractions were getting intense enough. He was also going to put some saline back into my uterus to see if that would help Emma drop lower. The doctor checked me first to see if I had dilated any more. I was AT A 9!!!!!!!!! He didn't even need all the reinforcement he had brought. Within half an hour, I was ready to push.
I pushed for an hour, and Emma was born. I would have been able to have her sooner if she wasn't angled. Her head was a bit sideways. It was amazing to hear Paul say, "She's a girl! We have a little girl!" I cried and cried and said I knew it all along. I cried and told her she was such a sill looking baby, because she was so squished and dirty. I was so happy and have never known such love for any one or anything. I told Paul that she is a vital part of my life now. I could never life without her now.
After I had Emma, I had to try to go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder was okay. We noticed I was bleeding pretty bad, but no one was really to concerned about it at the time. I got really dizzy and had to be revived with smelling salts before I passed out. I decided to take a shower to help me feel better. I kept the water just barely warm. I noticed I was still steadily leaking blood, and I even had small gushes from time to time. I got dizzy again, so I turned the water to cold to see if I would help. It did help but only long enough for me to get as far as the toilet. I was still bleeding and I was passing large clots. Long story short, I was losing way too much blood. I was gushing blod out periodically. At one point, I started having horrid contractions and had an urge to push. I called my nurse to say something was coming out of me. She checked me and said it was only blood. I involuntarily pushed and there was a "pop" and blood and blood clots came gushing out. I was pretty sure I was going to die at that point. I got put on several medications to try to get my uterus to contract. It wasn't staying firm enough to stop the bleeding.
I bled quite bad into the evening. The doctor came in to check me for a uterine laceration. Luckily there was nothing torn. He removed some clots and sutured some tears inside (without anesthesia...) to see if he could help to stop my bleeding. Eventually the bleeding slowed down, and my uterus finally figured out how to stay firm enough.
Emma and I are still in the hospital. She is doing VERY well. She is starting to look around and is quite vocal when she is upset. She is eating about every 2 hours and is staying awake longer and longer. I am biased, but I am pretty sure we have the prettiest baby EVER! It looks like she will have auburn hair (which was my prediction!), and she has the cutest nose. She is always chewing on her hands, so she will be a thumb sucker. Since we've been in the hospital, I've been letting her sleep on my chest. She really enjoys skin to skin contact. That is all I have for now. I will update more as things happen. We should be able to go home tomorrow, assuming my bleeding has not started up again. We are all very happy with our sweet, new addidtion.
The first half of our story is already posted. I'll start at 2AM. My contractions were getting intense, and I was hurting from the doctor opening the scar tissue on my cervix. At 4 AM, the doctor came and checked me again, and I had no made any progress. He broke my water and uppped my pitocin. I was in so much pain that I was crying, and I broke down and got the epidural. I was still only at 4cm after 12 hours of contracting and 6 hours or pitocin, so I knew it was going to be a long night, and I couldn't handle the pain in my cervix anymore.
After the epidural was in place, my blood pressure kept crashing. The lowest it got was about 68/34. They had to give me a few shots of epinephrine, but I stabalized after about an hour. I tried taking a nap at that point, but my legs kept twitching and keeping me up. The nurse had me lay on my side to even the epidural out and that helped my legs chill out. At about 7 AM, a nurse came in to check me, and I was still a 4. Emma was also starting to stress out with the contractions, so they had to take me off of the pitocin. I was starting to lose heart at this point. I had to keep switching sides to keep Emma happy, so I was still unable to really rest.
At 8:30 AM, the doctor came on to check me again. This time he brought an internal monitor for me and baby to make sure Emma was okay and to see if my contractions were getting intense enough. He was also going to put some saline back into my uterus to see if that would help Emma drop lower. The doctor checked me first to see if I had dilated any more. I was AT A 9!!!!!!!!! He didn't even need all the reinforcement he had brought. Within half an hour, I was ready to push.
I pushed for an hour, and Emma was born. I would have been able to have her sooner if she wasn't angled. Her head was a bit sideways. It was amazing to hear Paul say, "She's a girl! We have a little girl!" I cried and cried and said I knew it all along. I cried and told her she was such a sill looking baby, because she was so squished and dirty. I was so happy and have never known such love for any one or anything. I told Paul that she is a vital part of my life now. I could never life without her now.
After I had Emma, I had to try to go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder was okay. We noticed I was bleeding pretty bad, but no one was really to concerned about it at the time. I got really dizzy and had to be revived with smelling salts before I passed out. I decided to take a shower to help me feel better. I kept the water just barely warm. I noticed I was still steadily leaking blood, and I even had small gushes from time to time. I got dizzy again, so I turned the water to cold to see if I would help. It did help but only long enough for me to get as far as the toilet. I was still bleeding and I was passing large clots. Long story short, I was losing way too much blood. I was gushing blod out periodically. At one point, I started having horrid contractions and had an urge to push. I called my nurse to say something was coming out of me. She checked me and said it was only blood. I involuntarily pushed and there was a "pop" and blood and blood clots came gushing out. I was pretty sure I was going to die at that point. I got put on several medications to try to get my uterus to contract. It wasn't staying firm enough to stop the bleeding.
I bled quite bad into the evening. The doctor came in to check me for a uterine laceration. Luckily there was nothing torn. He removed some clots and sutured some tears inside (without anesthesia...) to see if he could help to stop my bleeding. Eventually the bleeding slowed down, and my uterus finally figured out how to stay firm enough.
Emma and I are still in the hospital. She is doing VERY well. She is starting to look around and is quite vocal when she is upset. She is eating about every 2 hours and is staying awake longer and longer. I am biased, but I am pretty sure we have the prettiest baby EVER! It looks like she will have auburn hair (which was my prediction!), and she has the cutest nose. She is always chewing on her hands, so she will be a thumb sucker. Since we've been in the hospital, I've been letting her sleep on my chest. She really enjoys skin to skin contact. That is all I have for now. I will update more as things happen. We should be able to go home tomorrow, assuming my bleeding has not started up again. We are all very happy with our sweet, new addidtion.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Holy Crap
I'm not sure I can do this. Pitocin hurts like a mofo! Contactions are one on top of another. It is 2 AM
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I'm In Labor!
I had my 40 week appointment today, and the doctor broke through some more scar tissue. He said there was a band of scar tissue still holding things up. After much tugging and pulling, the doctor finally broke the band and stretched me to 3 cm. Paul and I hung around town and walked for about an hour. I was cramping pretty bad, but I didn't think I was contracting. We had dinner, and Paul thought we should stop by the hospital to get checked out. I was contracting about every three minutes, so they admited me.
I have since (5 hours later) dilated to 4 cm. The doctor hooked me up to pitocin to try to get things going. He thinks my "breaking point" may be 5 cm. We will have to see. The contractions are closer and more intense, but they are still very tolerable. The doctor says he is pretty sure my paain threshold is very high and I will be able to tolerate the contractions well. He based his opinion on what he did to me earlier in the day.
I will update more as events happen. One way or another, we are having a baby soon!
I have since (5 hours later) dilated to 4 cm. The doctor hooked me up to pitocin to try to get things going. He thinks my "breaking point" may be 5 cm. We will have to see. The contractions are closer and more intense, but they are still very tolerable. The doctor says he is pretty sure my paain threshold is very high and I will be able to tolerate the contractions well. He based his opinion on what he did to me earlier in the day.
I will update more as events happen. One way or another, we are having a baby soon!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Dear Baby,
We will be at 40 weeks tomorrow. I know first time mommies sometimes go past their due date and only a small percent of mommies actually go in to labor on their due date. Wouldn't it be fun to beat the odds. You could come on your due date tomorrow. You would be born at 40 weeks and on your due date, thus going again TWO statistics. That sounds very fun to me!
I love you more than you will ever know, but you are putting me through quite a bit of pain. I am cramping constantly, but I am not contracting. My back feels like a donkey kicked me, and everything I eat makes my tummy hurt. You are obviously getting quite cramped, as your rear and feet are still in my ribs. I think it would be much better if you would just come out and meet all the people who are so excited for your arrival. Your room is ready, and Trixie and Lexus constantly check it to see if you are there yet. Your clothes are washed and folded and have been for several weeks. I have tried everything I can think of to try to coax you out. I have hiked, walked, hopped and marched around the house. I am taking evening primrose oil to help soften my cervix, and I have even used visualization. the doctor tore my insides apart to help aid in your arrival, yet you seem to find like in my tummy quite comfortable. I am concerned that I may have freaked you out by making you think life on the outside is strenuous and hectic. That is very much NOT so.
So from now on, I am going to try to relax. I will take a nice warm bath tonight, and we will listen to Beethoven. I think this is all going to turn out the way out breech situation did. No matter how hard I tried to flip you, you didn't budge until you were good and ready. I just thought I would make one final plea to you. We are so excited to meet you, and sooner would be preferable to later! We all love you, Baby, and hope to meet you soon!
I love you more than you will ever know, but you are putting me through quite a bit of pain. I am cramping constantly, but I am not contracting. My back feels like a donkey kicked me, and everything I eat makes my tummy hurt. You are obviously getting quite cramped, as your rear and feet are still in my ribs. I think it would be much better if you would just come out and meet all the people who are so excited for your arrival. Your room is ready, and Trixie and Lexus constantly check it to see if you are there yet. Your clothes are washed and folded and have been for several weeks. I have tried everything I can think of to try to coax you out. I have hiked, walked, hopped and marched around the house. I am taking evening primrose oil to help soften my cervix, and I have even used visualization. the doctor tore my insides apart to help aid in your arrival, yet you seem to find like in my tummy quite comfortable. I am concerned that I may have freaked you out by making you think life on the outside is strenuous and hectic. That is very much NOT so.
So from now on, I am going to try to relax. I will take a nice warm bath tonight, and we will listen to Beethoven. I think this is all going to turn out the way out breech situation did. No matter how hard I tried to flip you, you didn't budge until you were good and ready. I just thought I would make one final plea to you. We are so excited to meet you, and sooner would be preferable to later! We all love you, Baby, and hope to meet you soon!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Mystery Solved
Paul and I were wondering if my previous cryo surgery could have caused scar tissue, which is making it difficult for me to dilate. Before we could even ask the doctor, he said he was going to poke at me with sticks (in medical terms, of course) to see if he needed to break through scar tissue. Sure enough, I have scar tissue galore.
The following is a run through of what happened during our appointment yesterday. We get called back and I have gained 4 pounds in a week. The whole "drink a gallon of water a day" is a catch 22. I drink until I am too full to eat, and then I retain the water like a sponge and feel fat when I go in to get weighed. I know I am not fat. I am proud of my baby body, but some days are just harder to deal with than others. Especially when I know I am not progressing. So I go into the exam room and the nurse catches me crying (Paul was in the potty and was oblivious). the nurse is concerned, and I told her to just ignore me. I am tired, hormonal and in pain. My BP was perfect and my belly is measuring perfectly. Baby's heart rate sounded wonderful. Doctor comes in and tells the nurse to "go get some of the plastic dilators", I tell her to get the biggest ones she can find.
Doctor comes back in, pokes at me and props me up in the stirrups. Some of the next information may be TMI, but it's still memories for me. Just a warning to the squeemish. Doctor says it looks like my cervix is open a little bit, and he pokes at it with some plastic sticks. Not fun! Doctor says, "This hurts. I know". I say, "I'm pretty sure you don't know". To which he agrees. He says he is trying to break through scar tissue to see of he can get me to dilate enough for him to get his "big fingers" through. Speculum comes out and doctor attempts to break through with his finger. After trying to push through for a little while, he tells me to prop my hips up on my fists to try to move my cervix down further. He even tries coaxing my cervix, "come on down to me cervix", but to no avail. He can't get through. Meanwhile, nurse and Paul and rubbing my arms and my hair and I am practicing my breathing and singing Tom Petty songs in my head. All of which worked.
Doctor goes back in with the speculum to see what will fit through my tiny, closed cervix. He finds another stick of some sort, and that goes through without a problem. So he pokes around some more and decided he is going to poke at me with his finger one more time. He says, "I am going to try one more time", and I say "try really, really hard". He definitely listened. He told me to tell him when it got to be too much, and I told him to just do whatever he had to. I thought I knew pain before, but this was a whole brand new experience. It didn't hurt like cutting myself would hurt. It was mostly a lot of pressure. I told the doctor I was afraid I might pee on him, and he said it wouldn't be the first time. The nurse said I should just do it as pay back. Finally, finally the doctor says, "there we go. I got through!" Oh hooray!!!!!! He next tries to get his "fattest finger" through and once again succeeds. Hooray some more!!! He says, "I am stretching your cervix to try to break all of the scar tissue and keep you dilated". OWEEE!
Doctor, nurse and Paul all pat me and tell me I did wonderfully. I feel really proud of myself, as well. Doctor said he was able to get all the way through my cervix and even poke Baby in the head (knock knock Baby. It's time to come out!). There is guarantee that what he did will put me in labor any time soon, but at least we got through all the scar tissue. It's likely my body has been trying, but there was just too much. Doctor and nurse are both pretty sure I am going to pass out at any minute. Doctor says, "I'm not usually that aggressive, but I had to be in this case". I told him I was glad he was. Nurse says, "oh! You're shaking", and I say, "I'm sure I am!" I had to take a few seconds to compose myself, but I was so much happier. We had made progress. Progress I would likely never have made on my own!
All through the night and for much of today, I have been cramping. Boy do I hope these cramps are actually dong something now. Baby is pretty upset that he or she got poked in the head and has been extra aggressive today, but that's okay! You're days inside me are numbered, Baby!!!! I just hope that now we can do this on our own without an induction. This weekend seems like a good time to have a baby. I don't have anything else planned. Paul's ski time may get cut short, but he'll get over it. Wish us luck! At the very least, I will post another update after our next appointment on Thursday, but I really hope to have something to say before then!
The following is a run through of what happened during our appointment yesterday. We get called back and I have gained 4 pounds in a week. The whole "drink a gallon of water a day" is a catch 22. I drink until I am too full to eat, and then I retain the water like a sponge and feel fat when I go in to get weighed. I know I am not fat. I am proud of my baby body, but some days are just harder to deal with than others. Especially when I know I am not progressing. So I go into the exam room and the nurse catches me crying (Paul was in the potty and was oblivious). the nurse is concerned, and I told her to just ignore me. I am tired, hormonal and in pain. My BP was perfect and my belly is measuring perfectly. Baby's heart rate sounded wonderful. Doctor comes in and tells the nurse to "go get some of the plastic dilators", I tell her to get the biggest ones she can find.
Doctor comes back in, pokes at me and props me up in the stirrups. Some of the next information may be TMI, but it's still memories for me. Just a warning to the squeemish. Doctor says it looks like my cervix is open a little bit, and he pokes at it with some plastic sticks. Not fun! Doctor says, "This hurts. I know". I say, "I'm pretty sure you don't know". To which he agrees. He says he is trying to break through scar tissue to see of he can get me to dilate enough for him to get his "big fingers" through. Speculum comes out and doctor attempts to break through with his finger. After trying to push through for a little while, he tells me to prop my hips up on my fists to try to move my cervix down further. He even tries coaxing my cervix, "come on down to me cervix", but to no avail. He can't get through. Meanwhile, nurse and Paul and rubbing my arms and my hair and I am practicing my breathing and singing Tom Petty songs in my head. All of which worked.
Doctor goes back in with the speculum to see what will fit through my tiny, closed cervix. He finds another stick of some sort, and that goes through without a problem. So he pokes around some more and decided he is going to poke at me with his finger one more time. He says, "I am going to try one more time", and I say "try really, really hard". He definitely listened. He told me to tell him when it got to be too much, and I told him to just do whatever he had to. I thought I knew pain before, but this was a whole brand new experience. It didn't hurt like cutting myself would hurt. It was mostly a lot of pressure. I told the doctor I was afraid I might pee on him, and he said it wouldn't be the first time. The nurse said I should just do it as pay back. Finally, finally the doctor says, "there we go. I got through!" Oh hooray!!!!!! He next tries to get his "fattest finger" through and once again succeeds. Hooray some more!!! He says, "I am stretching your cervix to try to break all of the scar tissue and keep you dilated". OWEEE!
Doctor, nurse and Paul all pat me and tell me I did wonderfully. I feel really proud of myself, as well. Doctor said he was able to get all the way through my cervix and even poke Baby in the head (knock knock Baby. It's time to come out!). There is guarantee that what he did will put me in labor any time soon, but at least we got through all the scar tissue. It's likely my body has been trying, but there was just too much. Doctor and nurse are both pretty sure I am going to pass out at any minute. Doctor says, "I'm not usually that aggressive, but I had to be in this case". I told him I was glad he was. Nurse says, "oh! You're shaking", and I say, "I'm sure I am!" I had to take a few seconds to compose myself, but I was so much happier. We had made progress. Progress I would likely never have made on my own!
All through the night and for much of today, I have been cramping. Boy do I hope these cramps are actually dong something now. Baby is pretty upset that he or she got poked in the head and has been extra aggressive today, but that's okay! You're days inside me are numbered, Baby!!!! I just hope that now we can do this on our own without an induction. This weekend seems like a good time to have a baby. I don't have anything else planned. Paul's ski time may get cut short, but he'll get over it. Wish us luck! At the very least, I will post another update after our next appointment on Thursday, but I really hope to have something to say before then!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I am a big fat walrus!
I sincerely hope every one enjoys my belly pictures, because they make me feel like a big fat walrus. Though when I am stuck on my back in bed, I feel like a big fat tortoise. And Paul would simply say that I am a water buffalo. Basically... I AM SO DONE!!!! I have a very patient child (very unlike Mommy, says Paul), so I am pretty sure Baby will be late. We had an appointment last Friday, and... you guessed it... NO PROGRESS! I have tried dancing, hiking up mountains, evening primrose oil, raspberry tea, spicy food, squats... You name it, I've tried it. Except for castor oil, which makes no sense to me, so I'm not trying it. If the doctor tells me on Thursday, "I still can't get my big finger in there", I am going to kick him in the face! I am still having random contractions, and Baby pushes so hard against my cervix that I want to cry, but this has been going on for WEEKS now, and to no avail. I love my baby so much. I am very glad that I am capable of carrying a baby to term, but I am done. Baby has cooked long enough. It is time to come out and meet Mommy and Daddy. And if one more person says, "have you had your baby yet?" while looking at my big fat walrus body, I am going to punch them in the face! I really am a happy mommy right now, but I am uncomfortable, and patience has never been a virtue of mine. I just needed to vent. Baby and I are doing very well. I still have not gained any more weight (I'm not sure where all the cream pie shakes are hiding), and my blood pressure is perfect. I have very slight swelling, and my tummy is measuring right on. Baby has a beautiful heart rate, which makes us all happy. What an amazing thing to be able to grow such a perfect little person so easily. I may be moderately uncomfortable and moody as heck (but what else is new), but you would seriously think growing a little person should be harder to do. Just wait until I meet this baby. Then I'll really be shocked at how efficient this fat walrus body can be!
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